Spin-off Tribute To The Findings of Derrick and Harry
Fact-Finding Investigation
Commanded by: Krimhild Pot, Full-Colonel
Command Forwarded by: Kyung-Jae Gwoong (aka Mrs Confession), Dong-chul Gangjeon (Mrs Basketeer), Kwang-hyun Thang (Mr Basketeer), Beom-soo Kyeh (Doctor Jakyll), Kim Wang-Boo (Dänish Blue) Temp. Exch. Prog. Lieutenants
Testifier Searched, Investigation Executed, Imprest For Testifier Pre-Financed, Mechanisms Of Action Considered, Non-Disclosure Agreement Signed, Possibilities Of Interrogation Mentioned, Denunciation Applied, Witness Protection Program Organized, Flow Of Spirits Amplified, Smoking Facilities If Needed As Well As Non-Smoking Facilities Prepared, Permission For Official Out-Of-Office Activities Required, Minutes Kept, Timesheet Filled Out, Declaration Photocopied, Authenticator Asked, Refreshments Served and Paid For & Mutual Signiture Forced, In Other Words Everything Is Done by: Tibor Tóti (Csupati) Single Police Patrol
Description of action:
Sept 8, FRI. We are sitting in a snack bar in Szentendre, Hungary, in late afternoon semidarkness. This is one of the places where no one would expect that we are about to debunk one of today's greatest business conspiracies. My interlocutor looks nervous. His hands are shaking while he is watching the guests around us suspiciously. To ease tension, I begin with a small talk about weather. Appearently, it seems difficult for him to have a go.
What are you afraid of? You are safe. This is just a chat.
By the time I will get to my conclusion, Mr Csupati, you will be as scared as I am. I risk everything with this conversation but I can not hide. The number of mysterious newcomers as well as inexplicable low-grade sackings increased tenfold around me in the last few weeks. I know that sooner or later they will cut me out. But I am tired of being quiet. Can not carry this load anymore. No matter what the outcome will be.
Let us get started. How did it all begin?
In 2012 I started working as an underpaid and underappreciated sales rep for a fixed telco company. Their name is irrelevant. There was nothing special in my work. I hit sales target, chased leads and women as usual: I did what I was paid for.
Of course, there were things that pretty much bugged me. Slow decision making, lack of product development, no presales support, contradictory directives, conficts of interests, an excel document called PS (standing for Project Sheet, although Piece of Shit would describe it more precisely) but I paid no attention. I thought I got nothing to do with other people's stupidity. I got used to all of those. On an early July evening, though, everything changed for ever.
What happened that day?
I was working double overtime to finish my sales forecast presentation. It was one of those toilet papers that you wrap yourself around with in winter when your wife kicks you out and you get homeless. It was about 9:30 pm. The cleaning ladies were already gone. I thought I was all alone in the whole building. Went to the kitchen cabinet, poured myself a glass of water and stood in silence.
I heard some folks coming and talking. First I felt lucky to have people to talk to after such an exhausting day. As soon as I heard what they were whispering about I was completely floored.
Who were they?
Five newly appointed middle managers. I am serious. Five. In a totally stuck business line which is unable to feed more than one at a time. The Rising Stars or widely known as The High Five. Based on company hierarchy structure, they should have had nothing to do with each other. They called themselves by strange names sounding Far Eastern. Their upsetting conversation sounded surreal.
They mentioned a 'New Direktive Pyongyang Headkvarter' as well as 'Papiermaché Tanks Out' and 'Imperialists No More Panik Nuklear Bomb Kardboard'.
They scared the hell out of me. I got shocked by what I had just heard. I thought it was some kind of a joke but did not dare say anything. I had a very bad feeling in my stomach.
They kept repeating'Loyalty or Death', 'Endless Fidelity to Mrs Pot and Our Beloved Party' and 'New Strike Smite Global Ekonomy' .
They said goodbye to each other in a way I would never forget.
What was that sentence?
It was as straight and tight as a military command. It sounded like this:
End of Part1. To be continued....
See next episode: Volume2
DISCLAIMER: Nobody in this story, thank God, is based upon an actual person in the real world. But I tell you this: as my journey through the B2B jungle is progressing, I come to realize that, by comparison with reality, my story is as tame as a holiday postcard.
